Give Me Novacaine
by Sophie Temrer Rimmer-Artley
Summary: Green Day songfic. Rimmer drowns his sorrows. RimmerxLister


**AN: I seem to be doing this a lot now, hearing a song and writing a Red Dwarf songfic for it. Enjoy!**

Arnold J. Rimmer was sitting alone in the cockpit of Starbug. The others were on the planet's surface exploring. He would have liked to go with them, but they didn't notice. He recalled the conversation he'd had with Lister just before they had left without him.

"Are you going then?" Rimmer had asked.

"Yeah. We'll be back in thirty minutes, tops." Lister said, heading out of the airlock after Kryten and Cat.

"I won't wait up, Listy." he'd said sarcastically.

Rimmer sighed to himself.

"Holly?" he asked.

"What can I do for you Arnold?" Holly said, appearing on the screen in front of him.  
"I need a drink. An alcoholic one." he said.

"What would you like?"

Rimmer thought for a moment. "Novacaine. I've always wondered what it's like."

"Coming right up."

Rimmer tasted something sickeningly sweet in his mouth, and almost felt like puking, but forced himself not to. "Another one, please Holly."

_Take away the sensation inside_

_Bittersweet migraine in my head_

_It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind_

_I can't take this feeling any more_

"Keep it coming Holly. I want to be so drunk I can't remember anything."

"If you're certain, Arnold."

_Drain the pressure from the swelling_

_This sensation's overwhelming_

_Give me a long kiss goodnight_

_And everything will be all right_

_Tell me that I won't feel a thing_

_So give me Novacaine_

Again and again that bittersweet taste filled Rimmer's mouth, and again and again he swallowed, drinking away all the sorrow and injustice from his life. His hateful parents, the school bullies, those officers who had laughed at the Gazpacho Soup Incident. They were all fading, fading away into Rimmer's subconscious. Tonight he would forget his demons.

_Out of body and out of mind_

_Kiss the demons out of my dreams_

_I get the funny feeling that's all right_

_Jimmy says it's better than air_

_I'll tell you why_

"Holly, did I tell you to stop?" Rimmer slurred.

"Sorry, Arnold. I just don't think it's safe for you to have any more. You're already slurring your words and I can see you swaying."

"Just give me the damned Novacaine, Holly, you goit." Rimmer snapped drunkenly.

"If you say so, Arnold."

_Drain the pressure from the swelling_

_This sensation's overwhelming_

_Give me a long kiss goodnight_

_And everything will be all right_

_Tell me that I won't feel a thing_

_So give me Novacaine_

"Rimmer? Where are you?" Lister's voice sounded distant, although Rimmer could see he had just walked in. "Rimmer, are you drunk?"

"Maybe, maybe not. What's it to you, Dave?"

"Now I know you're drunk. You never call me Dave." Lister said cautiously. "Come on, let's get you someplace you can lie down." Lister beckoned to him.

"No." Rimmer said defiantly.

"Rimmer..."

"No, Dave. Leave me here like this. Let me die for real."

"Rimmer, you can't! We need you here!"

"Do you?"

Lister paused, then moved across the cockpit and grabbed Rimmer by the arm.

"Come on Rimmer, snap out of it. You can't die." he said, shaking Rimmer.

"Yes I can. As long as you tell me I won't feel anything, I can."

"I don't know Rimmer. I just don't know. Which is why you are NOT dying, you hear me?"

"Dave... let me die..."

"Rimmer, don't do this to us! To me! Don't leave me!" Lister was now sobbing.

"What am I to you? Someone to vent your anger on?" Rimmer snarled at him.

Lister looked shocked. "No, Rimmer! You're my friend. And more."

"Prove it."

"If I prove it, will you promise to stay alive?"

"I promise."

_Drain the pressure from the swelling_

_This sensation's overwhelming_

_Give me a long kiss goodnight_

_And everything will be all right_

_Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing_

_So give me Novacaine_

Lister took a deep breath in. It was now or never. He leaned forwards and shakily pressed his lips to Rimmer's. They stayed there for a few minutes, just kissing, then Lister pulled back. Rimmer looked happy.

"That's all I wanted..." Rimmer said. "Now I won't feel a thing."

"Rimmer, no! You promised!" Lister shouted.

"Ah." Rimmer said, holding one hand up weakly. "I had my fingers crossed, old friend." Rimmer slumped back in his chair, and Lister grabbed him around the waist and buried his face in Rimmer's chest, mourning the man he had loved to hate for so long now.

"Mr. Lister sir, what's wrong with Mr. Rimmer?" Kryten asked. Lister looked up, and his eyes were bloodshot and red from crying.

"He's gone, Kryten. Arnold Judas Rimmer is no longer with us."

**OMG this turned out waaaaaaay more angsty and depressing than I intended! Hope you still enjoyed it! This is the first time I've written a guy/guy pairing too, so please tell me how I did! Review please!**


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